The Nine Lives Hypothesis, or Why Schrödinger’s Cat Can Never Die

“Only the living version of the cat is capable of observing itself to be alive, causing the superposition to collapse. Thus, Schrödinger’s cat can never die!” Now you’ve done it! This post will get picked up on the internet and reposted as a true science article. Within months, “everyone” will know that the Schrödinger’s cat paradox has been solved. (Of course, cats always knew.)

Planet Pailly

Today’s story was inspired by my recent Sciency Words post on Schrödinger’s cat.  I cannot emphasize enough that this story is not meant to be taken seriously.

It is often said that anyone who claims to understand quantum mechanics is either lying or delusional.  In 1935, world-renounced physicist Erin Schrödinger proposed an experiment to demonstrate the true absurdity of all things quantum.  The experiment came to be known as Schrödinger’s cat. Now today, despite the vehement protests of animal rights groups, researchers at Omni-Science Laboratories have conducted the first ever real world test of the Schrödinger’s cat experiment.

A cat is placed inside a test chamber, along with a sample of cesium-131, a radioactive isotope.  A contraption within the test chamber will either kill the cat or spare the cat’s life, depending on what that cesium isotope does.  If the cesium undergoes radioactive decay, the cat will die.  In not, the cat will live.  The conditions of…

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